The worst tournament ever!! By Super Saiyan Gnome

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 46

*Pious Agustus vs Erk*

Erk: *sigh* How do I keep getting myself into these things?

Pious: May the darkness take you. *walks away*

Erk: Hey...where are you going? Come back here!

Black Guardian: Brother Luther...

Erk: Uh...I think you have me mistaken for someone AIE ME CABESA! *head pops*

*Winner: Pious*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 47

*Baraka vs Johnny Cage*


Cage: Ready to die, slime ball?

Baraka: TRANKNERGLE! *slashes at Cage but misses*

Cage: Ha! Too slow, smiley! You should know I'm a master of Ka-ra-taey. Oh yeah. That was smooth.

Baraka: GRONKSLAGLE! *lunges at Cage with claws extended but misses again*

Cage: Pfft. You're so predictable. You aren't even a challenge. I should just give you an autograph and send you home before you hurt yourself.

Baraka: EATATJOESCRABSHACKITSREALLYREALLYGOOD! *sprints at Cage with claws extended*

Cage: Hmm...that's a good idea. Their lobster is incredi*stab* OOF! My stomach!

Sonya: JOHNNY!!!!

Cage: SONYAAAAA!!!

Baraka: IPREFERTHESHRIMPBASKETS!!! *rips Cage in half*

*Winner: Baraka*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 48

*Olaf the Stout vs Donkey Kong*


Olaf: You're funny looking. Let's team up.

DK: ^_^

*Winner: Olaf and DK*


Hmm? Think that's a really crappy way to end round 2? You're right!

SPECIAL MATCH

*Zelos Wilder vs Queen Brahne*


Zelos: Hello human female. Have some piping you need unclog-HOLY GOD YOU'RE HUGE!

Brahne: BWAHAHAHAHA!! I DO HAVE PIPES IN NEED OF SOME CLEANING!! *lunges at Zelos*

Zelos: EEEK! *prances away*

*suddenly, FUJIN FALLS OUT OF THE SKY!*

Fujin: Ah ha! I am Fujin! Fear me!

Regal: KAMEHAMEHA!!

Fujin: o_O *dead*

Regal: >_> *explodes*

Zelos: Grr...

Brahne: Grr...

Bomb-omb: Grr...

Zelos: UH OH! *boom* AAAIIIEEEEE!!

Brahne: OH NO! *boom* UWAHAHAHAHA!!

*Winner: whoever thinks both characters suck*

[The Utility Man]

And now, the Round 3 Recap brought to you by THE WONDER CHEF!!

There are too many Sonic characters in this division

Wesker dissapears, Yoshi corpses are strewn about, there is carnage everywhere, and who emerges victorious? Jill and Barry, of course. *pats gun*

Angry Moon proved to be much hungrier than Angry Sun, giving Little Mac an easy victory.

Proto Man takes out Naked Raiden after he takes out KOS-MOS. Proto's becomming quite overpowered.

Pikachu scares the piss out of me and throws Marth off a cliff for the victory.


I assure you, at least 7 of these guys will die

Hard Man fell. That in itself gave him the victory over Gilder.

In an unusual case of match continuity, Luigi moves on due to Mr. X!!!!! being plastered by Gilder's demolished ship.

Florina is no match for an army of Jigglypuffs. Can anybody stop them?

Billy's a moron. Not as stupid as Colette, but he's still a moron. Leon Kennedy didn't even have to try to advance to round 3.


If Mr. T was in the contest, he’d beat all of these guys

Who would have thought that in a match between Samus and Iggy, Meta Knight would pop back up and win? Me, that's who. I wrote it. Meta Knight won. Period.

I know nothing about Auron, and this proved useful for Dr. Robotnik. He advances.

Pac Man beats Link due to Ganon's clumsiness.

Angry Moon returns to smash Earl. Vyse moves on because pirates rule when they aren't facing Hard Man.


These guys are why the snubs got snubbed

In a match full of FFVI returns, Ultros blows up X and apparently moves on, considering Zero and Edgar are probably off frolicking in some meadow.

Pious Agustus takes out Erk thanks to some help from a Black Guardian.

Baraka likes shrimp. Johnny Cage found this out the hard way.

Could it be? Olaf the Stout and Donkey Kong join forces? Yup. On a side note, two really crappy characters got their asses kicked by a walking bomb.

[The Utility Man]

ROUND 3!!

There are too many Sonic characters in this division

Jill and Barry vs Little Mac
Proto Man vs Pikachu


I assure you, at least 7 of these guys will die

Hard Man vs Luigi
An army of Jigglypuffs vs Leon S. Kennedy


If Mr. T was in the contest, he’d beat all of these guys

Meta Knight vs Dr. Robotnik
Pac Man vs Vyse


These guys are why the snubs got snubbed

Ultros vs Pious Agustus
Baraka vs Olaf the Stout and Donkey Kong

[Ryu # 20]

Protoman vs. Pikachu

Protoman: WTF? I'm fighting a little yellow mutant mouse?

Pikachu: (*Looks happy*) Pikaaaa!

Protoman: HA! Mouse or not, you're going down! BLUE STRIKE!!! (*Launches Blue Strike to Pikachu*)

Pikachu: (*Hit by Blue Strike*) Pika!?... (*Looks ill, sparks come out of his cheeks*) Pi-pi-piiiikaaaaaa.... CHUUUUUUUU!!! (*sneezes*)

Protoman: (*Hit by thundershock*) GYAAH! Oh no... Electric attack... power overflow... short-circuit! (*brain burns*)

(*Winner: Pikachu*)

[Ryu # 20]

Army of Jigglypuffs vs. Leon S. Kennedy

Leon: (*Looks scared in typical Jill Valentine fashion*) What are these things? Some new T-Virus creatures?

A.O.J.: (*They look glaringly at Leon*)

Leon: (*Grabs shotgun*): I must dispose of them quickly.

Claire Redfield: Leon!

Leon: Claire! (*Looks away*)

A.O.J.: (*Destroy both of them like the pieces of s*** they are, then they flush them down a toilet*)

The army of Jigglypuffs make justice once again!

(*Winner: Army of Jigglypuffs*)

[The Utility Man]

I don't mind if you wish to try your own hand at writing one of these but now I have to get back to posting Official matches. =p

[The Utility Man]

One match a day now since we're nearing the end.


MATCH 49

*Jill and Berry vs Little Mac*


Jill: Are you ready for this, Barry?

Barry: Oh yeah. *pats gun*

Little Mac: I may be small, but you're not!

Barry: *pats gun*

Jill: Uh...ok? Is that supposed to scare us or something?

Barry: *pats gun*

Little Mac: I've beaten guys four times your size! You're nothing I can't ha*BLAM*

Barry: >_> Er...*puts gun back in holster*

Jill: *gurgle*

Barry: Sorry...

Jill: X_X

Barry: >_> *throws bread on Jill* Jill sandwich. Hehe.

Little Mac: So are we gonna fight or what?!

Barry: Hmm? Oh, right. You. *shoots Mac in the face*

*Winner: Barry*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 50

*Proto Man vs Pikachu*


Pikachu: Pika! Pikachu!!

Proto Man: How did something so cute make it this far?

Pikachu: Chu!!

Proto Man: Oh well. I might as well try out these new powers. *uses Nudity-suddenly all of his armor falls off exposing his circuitry* Well that wasn't what I was expecting. How about this one? *uses The Jug Factor-Proto's chest juts out quickly, severly damaging his artifical respirators in the process* *gasp* Oh crap.

Pikachu: >:-) PIKA!!! *uses Thunder on Proto Man*

Proto Man: o_O *PFOOF!*

*Winner: Pikachu*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 51

*Hard Man vs Luigi*


Hard Man: Hello.

Luigi: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! *charges Hard Man and does the feeble running punches*

Hard Man: *dink dink dink* Why did you do that? I was just being nice.

Luigi: *looks at broken hands* ;_;

Hard Man: Here. Take my hands. I don't need them. *uses rocket fists*

Luigi: O_O *BLAM*

Hard Man: -_- Oh poo. I was just trying to help...

*Winner: Hard Man*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 52

*An army of Jigglypuffs vs Leon Kennedy*


*The city is quiet. Deathly quiet. The rain pours down from the sky. Jigglypuffs line the street and fill every window. From the masses, a single Jigglypuff emerges.*

Jigglypuff: Hello, Mr. Kennedy. How nice of you to join us.

Leon: Whoa. You can talk. Heh.

Jigglypuff: Do you honestly think you can beat all of us, Mr. Kennedy? I have grown strong. Very strong. You cannot beat me, Mr. Kennedy. Here, I am God.

Leon: It doesn't matter how strong you are. I'll take you down, even if it's the last thing I do. After all, my middle initial isn't S for nothing.

Jigglypuff: And what does that stand for? Super?

Leon: No. Scott.

Jigglypuff: Oh.

Leon: This ends now.

Jigglypuff: JIGGLYPUFF!!

*Jigglypuff charges at Leon. Leon charges at Jigglypuff. They collide and a flurry of fists is seen. Neither seems to have an advantage. Both are taking heavy damage, but their expressions remain neutral. The rain falls on the city with even more ferocity than before. This pizza I'm eating is a little hard, but still very good. Eventually, Leon is knocked to the ground. Jiggly moves in for the kill.*

Jigglypuff: Time to die, Mr. Kennedy. Everything that has a beginning has an end. Wait...what did I just say? What...what are you doing??

Leon: *Gameboy in hand* I'm ending you.

Jigglypuff: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*Leon rips the Pokemon Gold cart from the Gameboy. Jigglypuff explodes. Soon after, the other Jigglypuffs do the same. The rain clears, and Leon collapses to the ground in exhaustion.*

*Winner: Leon Kennedy*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 53

*Meta Knight vs Dr. Robotnik*


Dr. Robotnik: Haha! Something as small as you will never make it past...my...hey! Where the hell is my army?!

Meta Knight: *points behind Robotnik to the pile of scrap*

Dr. Robotnik: Er...very well! What I meant was there's no need for my army because I want to destroy you myself! Now let me just find my...ok, where's my hovercraft?

Meta Knight: *points to Robotnik's right where the demolished hovercraft lays*

Dr. Robotnik: >_< Metal Sonic, destroy him! -_- Don't tell me you destroyed him too.

Meta Knight: *shakes head*

Dr. Robotnik: Then who? Who would have the power to destroy one of my creations?

Mysterious voice: It was I! *hops down from ledge*

Dr. Robotnik: Shadow! Why would you destroy Metal Sonic?!

Shadow: Because I'm super cool and that robot was super lame. *shoots Robotnik in the face* Now it's your turn.

Meta Knight: *points arm canon* *gyrates as if to say "after you"*

Shadow: Ha! You think that puny blaster can take me out? You'll have to catch m*WHAP* *Shadow falls with Meta Knight's sword lodged in his knee* Crap.

*Meta Knight blasts Shadow and vaporizes him*

*Winner: Meta Knight*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 54

*Pac Man vs Vyse*


Vyse: Ugh. Not another Looper. I hate these things.

Pac Man: WAKKA WAKKA!

Vyse: Er...you aren't a Looper at all, are you?

Pac Man: *CHOMP* *eats Vyse's eye patch* WAKKA!

Vyse: Arg! My glass eye patch! Now I'm blind for some unknown reason!

*Suddenly Drachma flies in on the Little Jack*

Drachma: Die, circular yellow thing! *opens fire*

Pac Man: *CHOMP* *eats cannon balls and gets really big*

*For some strange reason, the Little Jack turns purple*

Pac Man: WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA!

Drachma: Harpoon Cannon, fire! *nothing happens* Fire, dammit! *still nothing* I'm ****ed, aren't I? *right as Pac Man is about to chomp down on the Little Jack, it regains it's normal colors and Pac Man shrinks. The Harpoon Cannon is set off, and hits Pac Man right in the mouth*

Pac Man: Uuwawawawa *boop boop* *Pac Man breaks in half and disappears*

*Drachma lands*

Drachma: Are you alright, boy? >_> <_< Boy? Where are you? *notices Vyse's feet hanging out from under the Little Jack* Er...gottagobye! *Hops in Little Jack and flies away at top speed*

*Winner: Drachma*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 55

*Ultros vs Pious Agustus*


Ultros: Come to Uncle Ulty!!

*Zero comes in and rips Ultros to pieces*

Zero: That was for X and really dirty thoughts!

Pious: Wait, shouldn't you be dead?

Zero: Of course not. Leaving a match without any clear proof of being dead almost always means an appearance later on in this contest.

Pious: Oh. Ok.

Zero: Yup. *walks away*

Pious: Well that was simple.

Xel'lotath: Pray to me that you survive this match.

Pious: But I've already won.

Xel'lotath: PRAY TO ME ANYWAY!!

Pious: meep! Alright, alright. Just don't pop my head. You can't imagine how hard it'll be to piece back together. All I have on me right now is a straw and some peanuts that I took from Anthony's pocket.

Xel'lotath: Why would Anthony have peanuts?

Pious: Why wouldn't Anthony have peanuts?

Xel'lotath: Touché. Have some duct tape. *hands over duct tape*

Pious: What's this for?

Xel'lotath: PRAYING TIME IS OVER!! *pops Pious's skull*

Pious: *pieces head back together and tapes it up* I knew I should have picked the blue stone...

*Winner: Pious*

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 56

*Baraka vs Olaf the Stout and Donkey Kong*


Olaf: Together me and Donkey Kong are unstoppable!

Baraka: HEREHAVEADONUTORFOURTHOUSAND!

Olaf: Thank you! *eats donuts until he pops*

DK: o_O

Baraka: O_o

DK: O_O

Baraka: O_O

DK: UWAGH!

Baraka: GLONKSHLAGLE!

*Both charge and punch each other in the face. Baraka has big butt claws whereas DK does not.*

*Winner: Baraka*

[The Utility Man]

And now, the Quarter Finals Recap brought to you by THE WONDER CHEF!!


There are too many Sonic characters in this division

Barry accidentally pops a cap in Jill's overly large butt, then does the same on purpose to Mac for an easy win.

Proto Man found out his new powers completely sucked and Pikachu took advantage for the upset.


I assure you, at least 7 of these guys will die

Hard Man blasted Luigi's head clean off while trying to help his handless friend.

In a match where I'm betting everybody noticed the Truman knock at the end but not the Matrix knock for every other part of the fight, Leon Kennedy soundly put the army of Jigglypuffs down.


If Mr. T was in the contest, he’d beat all of these guys

Robotnik proved yet again that he's completely useless and was easily gunned down by Shadow, who in turn was easily gunned down by Meta Knight.

In a surprise showing, Drachma harpooned Pac Man then pulled a Wizard of Oz and landed his home right on Vyse's head.


These guys are why the snubs got snubbed

Zero hacks up Ultros and goes on his merry way to give Pious Agustus a completely undeserved win.

Olaf ate donuts and Donkey Kong ate giant arm blade. Baraka moves on.

[The Utility Man]

Quarter Final layout:


There are too many Sonic characters in this division

Barry vs Pikachu


I assure you, at least 7 of these guys will die

Hard Man vs Leon Kennedy


If Mr. T was in the contest, he’d beat all of these guys

Meta Knight vs Drachma


These guys are why the snubs got snubbed

Pious Agustus vs Baraka

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 57

*Barry vs Pikachu*


Pikachu: Pika! Pikachu!

Barry: What are you? You seem to be...a...RAT...or something.

Pikachu: Chu! Pika pika!

Barry: Those noises you're making. Perhaps you're trying to TELL me something. *pats gun*

Pikachu: Chu! Chu pika! Pikachu!

Barry: Yes, yes. I know.

Pikachu: Pika!

Barry: Mmmhmm. *pats gun*

Pikachu: Pika pika! Pikachu!

Barry: What?! Don't you ever talk about my mother that way! *fires gun*

Pikachu: *dodges* O_O PIKACHU!! *starts glowing*

Magnius: Dispose of this Vermin!!

Barry: Hmm? Who are you? You appear to be from somewhere else. Somewhere else that I have never been to. Perhaps I will go there some day. *pats gun*

Pikachu: *is glowing very brightly*

Magnius: The Vermin must die!

Barry: You mean...this...RAT...or something?

Magnius: *sigh* You stupid inferior being. Of course I do!

Pikachu: *glowing like crazy and just plain pissed off* PIKACHUUU!!!

*lightning strikes the land repeatedly, causing mass destruction and chaos through all the land*

Magnius: Gah! Oof! Vermin! Other grunt type sound signifying I'm in great pain! *dies*

Barry: *pats gun*

Pikachu: ??

Barry: *turns to dust and flies away in the breeze*

*Winner: Pikachu*

[Sync The Tempest]

Dude How Old Is THIS?

[shootYr.]

Damn thats a hell of allot of posting. His Post count must have increased by like 29....

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 58

*Hard Man vs Leon Kennedy*


Leon: So...to make it this far you must be pretty good, huh?

Hard Man: I like to think that I'm just lucky.

Leon: Uh huh...so, shall we begin?

Hard Man: No. First, I want to play a game. I'm tired of fighting. You pick.

Leon: Fine. We play chess.

Hard Man: I call the blue team!

Leon: There is no blue team. I'll let you be white. That even gives you first move.

Hard Man: White's so boring. Fine. Just give me the dice and I'll start.

Leon: -_- Do you even know what chess is?

Hard Man: OF COURSE HARD MAN KNOWS WHAT CHESS IS! HARD MAN IS A CHESS GOD!!

Wood Man: *singing* Chess God, comin at ya!!

Hard Man: *moves pawn* I'm gonna kick your butt!

Wood Man: *singing* The Chess God strikes again!

Leon: Man: This guy's annoying. Oh well. *moves knight*

*A few turns go by*

Leon: *moves bishop* Check.

Hard Man: Do you take cash?

Leon: Uh...sure...*Hard Man hands Leon $5*

Hard Man: So what does that get me?

Leon: Nothing, but it gets me $5. By the way, your king is in danger.

Hard Man: WHAT?! HARD MAN WILL SAVE THE KING!! *smashes Leon's bishop flat*

Wood Man: *singing* Ground it into dust!

Leon: Why did you do that??

Hard Man: HARD MAN DOES WHAT HE LIKES!!

Wood Man: *singing* What he likes when he likes!

*Leon lights a match and throws it at Wood Man*

Wood Man: UAAAGH!! OH GOD! WHY?! WHY MUST I BE MADE OF THIS INFERNAL WOOD?! *runs away*

Hard Man: GAME OVER! HARD MAN SMASH HUMIEE!

*Hard Man is unaware of the very tiny man climbing his leg*

Leon: Ah. There's the burning intelect I knew you had hidden away.

Hard Man: GRARGH!

Top Man: Go get 'em Hardy!

Hard Man: SHUT UP, *****! *punches Top Man's head off*

*Hard Man is unaware of the very tiny man now removing his crotch plate*

Leon: So, mind telling me how to kill you?

Hard Man: HARD MAN WILL CONSIDER IT IF HE GETS HIS $5 BACK!

*Hard Man is unaware of the very tiny man dropping a grenade in the now open hatch*

Leon: How about I double that? $2.50 if you give me the information.

Hard Man: SURE! *BOOM*

Leon: o_O

Very Tiny Man: Whee!!

Leon: Who the hell are you?

Phil: I'm Phil.

Leon: Uh huh...

Phil: That was fun!

Leon: Are you a Star Wars fan?

Phil: No, but I love the Hoth scene.

Leon: Yeah, thought so.

Phil: How'd you guess?

Leon: I'll tell you if we meet again. I'm going home.

Phil: :-(

Leon: *walks away* *squish* Aw crap.

*Winner: Leon*

[The Utility Man]

It's pretty old, yea, I just like keeping it around.

[The Utility Man]

MATCH 59

*Meta Knight vs Drachma*


Meta Knight: ...

Drachma: UWAAAAAAAGH!

Meta Knight: ...

Drachma: HOO! *charges* TAKE THAT! *tackle*

*Explosions ensue*

*Drachma falls to the ground. Meta Knight walks over and removes his sword from Drachma's gut*

Meta Knight: -_- *shakes head in shame*

*Winner: Meta Knight*